the science of wellbeing
key tips + takeaways from the course
written by Jasmine Irven
Recently, with all that’s been going on in the world, I’ve been more and more intrigued with concepts of simplicity.
In many ways I feel that 2020 has offered us this chance to reset. To remember the things that are truly important. To get back to the basics. To cut things from our schedule and focus on what we want to spend time doing.
In line with this, I recently took an online course called The Science of Wellbeing by Yale. The course outlines misconceptions about happiness and the proven ways in which we can lead a happier life.
While I like to think a lot of the concepts in the course are things I already innately knew, it was so interesting to see so much of the science behind wellbeing, and it was a great reminder as to where I should be focusing my energy. Why things like going back to the basics to focus on your breath, nutrition, gratitude for what is, are incredibly impactful. And how making intentional decisions about where to spend your time is so important.
So, I felt it important to review some of the key concepts in this post. Let’s dive in.
why knowing is not enough
There is a very common idea out there that “knowing” is half the battle. However, merely knowing something is not enough to actually change your behaviour; it’s not enough to put it into practise.
You likely are already very familiar with this. Maybe this sounds familiar: you know what you need to do and maybe even write it down the night before, “okay, tomorrow I’m going to start meditating. Tomorrow I’m going to make a healthy dinner rather than takeout. Tomorrow I’m going to work out.” And then, tomorrow comes and rather than meditating you’re laying in bed until the last minute when you actually have to get up for work. You find yourself procrastinating until you’re too hangry to cook and “have” to go out for food, and rather than working out you’re here convincing yourself you deserve a break because of the stressful day you’ve had, and revert to watching Netflix (not always a bad thing but when it’s recurring.... something needs to shift).
I get it. I find myself in this cycle all the time. And it’s super frustrating! Especially when you’re making change in the beginning of your journey, it’s often not enough just to make promises to yourself. It’s why I so often advocate for getting a coach or someone to hold you accountable.
And so, if we really want to change our behavior, we have to change habits. We can't just learn what we need to do, we need to take action on it.
40% of our happiness levels seem to be based on actions, thoughts, and habits -- things that are all under our control. So, essentially we can work hard to be happier, but the problem is we’re working towards the wrong things.
misconceptions about happiness: things we think will make us happy (but don’t)
A good job
Money
Awesome stuff (a car, house, etc.)
True love
The perfect body
Good grades
It’s super easy to get sucked into wanting these things. Saying things like, “no you don’t understand, a big house will make me happy. I’m the exception.”
But in reality, the studies show that’s just not the case. So, why do we have these misconceptions? In the course we spoke about how we have some annoying features of the mind that cause this disconnect between what we think will make us happy and what actually does. We are continually mis-wanting: being mistaken about what will make us happy.
annoying features of the mind: relativity
One of the reasons we often find ourselves mis-wanting is because our minds just don’t think in terms of absolutes. Instead, we think in very relative terms and we’re constantly judging relative to what we can call a reference point. We are constantly judging relative to other stuff out there in the world, and it messes up our judgement of what the thing we really care about.
It’s not about how much money you’re making, it’s about how much you’re making in comparison to your coworkers
It’s not about how beautiful we are, it’s about how we compare to models and actors we see on TV
It’s not about how nice our house is, it’s about how nice it is compared to those we see on social media
How can we ever be truly happy if we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others? Further, our minds don’t even use “reasonable” social comparisons - so for example it may make sense to compare your salary with other people in your workplace doing a similar job, but it doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to another worker in another city, who’s older, more experienced, etc.
Instead, try to filter your mind a little bit more. Ask yourself what a reasonable reference point is. And when you catch yourself making an unrealistic comparison, disconnect for a little bit.
annoying features of the mind: hedonic adaptation
Our minds are built to get used to stuff; to adapt over time and habituate. So, we think that when we get something it will make us happy, but in reality it’s a very temporary happiness before we become used to this new normal, and want more.
For example, getting a raise might temporarily make you happy but very soon you’ll become used to having that amount of money in the bank and then you’ll want more: your baseline has changed.
how can we overcome our cognitive biases? savouring
Take some time to think about the stuff you already have in your life. Savoring is the act of stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it; this forces you to notice the experience and pay attention to it (the aspect of mindfulness).
Some ways to savor:
Think about how lucky you are
Show physical expressions of energy
Laugh or giggle
Think about how proud you are
Think about the present; being absorbed in the experience
Replay happy memories in your mind (“think of it as though you were replaying the moment”)
how can we overcome our cognitive biases? gratitude
Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and a tendency to show appreciation for what one has. Show gratitude by writing down what you’re excited about, what you love about your life, etc., or by sharing directly with someone: telling someone you’re grateful for them or what they did.
how can we overcome our cognitive biases? reset your reference point
When you find yourself making a social comparison, force yourself to stay” stop” out loud - forcing your brain to take a break, to stop ruminating. Disconnect if you’re online or on social media and something is triggering you. Focus on the things you do have with gratitude or savoring.
Interrupt your thought patterns and instead remember what your “old experience was”. How far have you come? Where were you a year ago? Reset your reference point to reflect your personal experience, and you’ll quickly realize how great your life is.
what stuff really increases happiness?
In general, it’s not big things (cars, houses) that make an impact - it’s the little things (making your bed, the smell of an orange, cleaning out a cupboard). Work on techniques like savoring and gratitude to help keep you in the present moment, and to help you remember all the things in your life that are incredible. The more you accept who & how you are, the happier you’re likely to become.
Other things proven to make us happy:
random acts of kindness: research shows that happy people are motivated to do kind things for others (so, help your colleague with something, give a few dollars or some time to a cause you believe in, say something kind to a stranger, write a thank you note, give blood, etc.)
make a social connection: research shows that happy people spend more time with others and have a richer set of social connections. Try to focus on making one new social connection/ day. It can be a small 5-min act like asking someone about their day, but also try to seek out more meaningful social connections, too. At least once this week, take a full hour to connect with someone you care about.
healthy practises like sleep and physical movement: going back to the basics works. We need to focus on nourishing our bodies so that they are healthy, as physical wellness directly correlates with mental health and happiness levels.
meditation: you know I’m a huge advocate for meditation. Meditation is a practice of intentionally turning your attention away from distracting thoughts toward a single point of reference (e.g., the breath, bodily sensations, compassion, a specific thought, etc.). Research shows that meditation can have a number of positive benefits, including more positive moods, increased concentration, and more feelings of social connection. Meditation helps to clear the mental chatter, the comparison, the feelings of inadequacy, and instead allows us to focus on the present moment.
I hope this post was a reminder to take care of yourself. To be kind to your body and mind. To focus on being present and enjoying your life. To going back to the basics rather than always looking externally for pleasure and validation.
You deserve to create space for your health and wellness. You deserve to be happy.
Sending you so much love!
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about the author
Hey there! I’m Jasmine, founder of the Sustainable Bliss Collective, a Certified Meditation Teacher, and lover of all things self-care, slow-living, and personal development.
I believe that ambition and self-care can coexist, and as such I hope to encourage and inspire you to take care of yourself, breathe deeply, connect with who you are, manifest your dreams, enjoy the blissful moments of each day, and make an impact in this beautiful world we call home.
Connect with me on Instagram here!
