4 books you can use to connect with oneself
written by lay
Eyes open. Heart racing. A wave of a million and one thoughts hit me and there go my walls. This is the start of my day - sounds familiar? Many of us carry traumas and unhealed wounds like we have to bare them ourselves.
In combination with current living standards celebrating moving without reflecting we tend to get lost in a sea of information, and feel disconnected rather than part of this world.
I carry a strong chip on my shoulder and do my best to uphold a healthy lifestyle and way of living through meditation, sound healing, therapy and just simplifying my existence. While some methods work more on others I found a lot of my healing through reading.
The words and how they flow, the stories and how they make me relate to things in my own life, and the settings and how they make me feel less alone.
Some of you may have been here many times. Walls down. Vulnerable. Unsure where to turn to. Maybe getting out of your head and finding solace in the words of a book is the place for you to find a form of healing.
If this resonates, here are some of my favourite books that have helped me through some cloudy moments.
the tao of pooh | benjamin hoff
I’m starting off with a bang. This is one of my favourite books of all times. Short and easy to read but with a big kick for life. Not to mention all it’s all about Winnie the Pooh stories and who doesn’t have a soft spot for this fuzzy, honey-obsessed bear.
The book carries the words of the ancient Chinese philosophy of Taoism and how to practice this in everyday life. In order to simplify it for us folks they give examples from the Winnie the Pooh stories to show the type of different people that are roaming this planet (e.g. Winnie, Piglet, Eeyore and so on).
“Things just happen in the right way, at the right time. At least when you let them, when you work with circumstances instead of saying, 'This isn't supposed to be happening this way,' and trying harder to make it happen some other way.”
― Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
waking the tiger: healing trauma | peter a. levine
So, this is definitely a great read for those of you who have experienced trauma in your life. I myself suffer from PTSD and this book has helped me understand certain behaviours that are affiliated with trauma.
The book normalizes the symptoms of trauma and the steps needed to heal. It focuses on the “freeze” method that our body creates when threatened, and has some exercises in between that are helpful in figuring out where you stand in your current situation.
“When a young tree is injured it grows around that injury. As the tree continues to develop, the wound becomes relatively small in proportion to the size of the tree. Gnarly burls and misshapen limbs speak of injuries and obstacles encountered through time and overcome. The way a tree grows around its past contributes to its exquisite individuality, character, and beauty. I certainly don't advocate for traumatization to build character, but since trauma is almost a given at some point in our lives, the image of the tree can be a valuable mirror.”
― Peter A. Levine, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma
zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance | robert m. pirsig
When I saw the word ‘Motorcycle’ in this book I was having none of it but for some reason or another I decided to pick it up anyway. It had good reviews and it was second hand so I figured, not much to lose if it’s a bit of a bore.
However, once I started, it became one of my faves. The story is about a dad, his son and some friends, and their journey on a road trip. The details of how he perceived the world through the idea of maintaining his motorcycle is one that is beautiful. A very spiritual book that allows you to see the different perceptions people can carry in life. It’s “an examination of how we live, a meditation on how to live better” (Goodreads).
“You look at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge.”
― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values
the book on the taboo against knowing who you are | alan watts
The name Alan Watts is not a strange name to many. He’s a well known lecturer and has always spoken about Eastern Philosophy in a Western context.
I’m a big fan of storytelling as I believe it can unravel countless ideas of personal identity. In this book, Alan Watts does this himself; he discusses our human identity in connection to the world.
This book is a bit different than the rest that I have chosen as it speaks of spirituality on a larger scale rather than just focusing on your inner work - but understanding both is what eventually can teach us how to understand ourselves and our connection to others.
“For every individual is a unique manifestation of the Whole, as every branch is a particular outreaching of the tree. To manifest individuality, every branch must have a sensitive connection with the tree, just as our independently moving and differentiated fingers must have a sensitive connection with the whole body. The point, which can hardly be repeated too often, is that differentiation is not separation.”
― Alan Wilson Watts, The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
my thoughts
Within these books and further research I found ways to try to balance myself in different worlds and in different shadows. For example, with the “Tao of Pooh” I found myself embracing forms of negativity which led me to learn more about shadow work and how the acceptance of dark places will eventually lead me to a place of peace and understanding.
We always talk about affirmations, and this is something I do every morning when I wake up. I am kind, I am good, I am worthy of love.
But the truth is, sometimes even if we don’t want to admit this to ourselves, we don’t believe these statements, and the idea of repeating them to ourselves can create a form of pressure that you are not where you need to be. And so, with shadow work I try to combine accepting my flaws while being more compassionate to myself: “I don’t know why I feel abandoned, but I do see that I have less panic attacks”.
This creates a softer relationship with myself instead of the idea that I am in a rat race to be “enlightened.”
When I read “Waking the Tiger” I started following some of the exercises related to inner child healing and understanding outer child behaviour, which allowed me to see that having a stream of exercises to figure out your own behaviour can slowly push away negative patterns that you have created or have been conditioned to believe.
The more I read the more curious I became into exploring my own behaviour. I have what I call my “therapy” journal.
In it I started an exercise where I write every day a conversation between my adult self and my little self. I have to admit that I never know where the conversation with the little one is going to go.
In my personal journey I see my little version finds it really hard to admit when she’s not okay, but within each day that goes by, I see she’s started to trust my adult self a bit more and is opening up about her actual feelings. This is up to the adult version of myself to keep up and make sure the little one is taking care of.
So, in these times where you might be thinking: “2020, why you gotta do me like this”?
Find your space. Pick up a book. Uncover the wounds you have buried. Get down and find the dirt. It may not be pleasant, but it’s important to find a way to make your space for yourself to heal.
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about the author
Hello Humans! My name is Lay, a fellow human with a floating mind. I'm a Caribbean gal with Colombian and Chinese roots that has established herself in Europe. I am a big fan of storytelling and adding cultural value to one's identity. Success through love and empathy is my game and something I hope to share with everyone.
