5 Gentle Ways to Cultivate Self-Acceptance and Compassion
Written by Heather Grant
Let’s face it, it’s not always easy to love yourself.
We all have days where we don’t feel our best, where past failures replay in our minds, and we can’t shift our insecurities. Basically, sometimes we just don’t feel all that lovable.
And that’s okay. You see, self-love doesn’t always happen overnight. Not many people wake up one day, look in the mirror, and think ‘yep, I love myself now’ before they strut out of their house.
It’s a journey, and a slow and non-linear one at that.
That’s where self-acceptance and self-compassion come in. If you start by accepting yourself as you are now, and begin treating yourself with compassion, grace, and gratitude, you’ll be better equipped to show yourself the love you deserve.
This post will look at the subtle differences between these ideas and actionable ways to embody them on your journey to unwavering self-love.
what is self-acceptance and how does it differ from self-love?
Self-acceptance can be defined as accepting yourself completely; the good, bad, successes, and failures. It’s about acknowledging your weakness and strengths, and knowing your worth is attached to neither. You can think of it as building a stable and unwavering foundation.
Whilst we’re all guilty of fixating on who we think we ‘should’ be, self-acceptance is seeing the inherent value in who we are now. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on yourself, rather you shouldn’t wait until you arrive at an impossible idea of perfection to be happy with who you are.
Self-love, on the other hand, can be defined as “a state of appreciation for oneself” (Khoshaba, 2012). More than just accepting who you are, it’s about loving that person. Research has found that high levels of self-acceptance can help you engage in acts of self-love, such as the ones we discuss in this post.
what about self-compassion?
Wait, there’s one more word to throw into the mix! Self-compassion is similar to self-love, but there are important distinctions. Where self-love is the ultimate goal, something you may need to build up to, self-compassion is something you can show yourself at any moment.
Mindful self-compassion entails ‘being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate’ (Dr Kristen Neff). To show yourself compassion, treat yourself as you would a friend who is struggling or going through a tough time.
Consider asking yourself ‘how can I comfort and care for myself at this moment?’
time for a quick summary…
In short, self-acceptance and self-compassion are a couple of the foundations for cultivating deeper self-love. If you know your worth is unconditional, and you act kindly towards yourself no matter how you feel, you’ll find it much easier to have that deep sense of love and warmth for yourself.
Now that we have an outline of some of this different terminology, let’s explore how we can begin to embody this in our lives through some different practices we have available to us.
5 ways to practice self-compassion and acceptance
Let’s circle back to something we referenced at the very start: self-love doesn’t always happen overnight.
It takes work, but it is possible for everyone. The path to self-love can be paved through practising self-acceptance and self-compassion, which is why we’re sharing these steps to support you.
Take whatever resonates or speaks to you the most and schedule some time in your calendar to explore it! Learning these techniques is just one step of the process, we also need to implement.
01 celebrate all that you are and where you’re at
It’s so easy to see others’ achievements as milestones we’ve failed to meet, especially when they’re plastered all over the ‘gram.
But really, the beauty of life is that we’re all doing it differently. It isn’t a race, and if it was it would be a chaotic one - we’d all be running in opposite directions towards different finish lines!
Even if you’re not where you think you should be, there’s so much value in where you are. Self-acceptance starts with celebrating that.
Consider taking some time to brain dump a list of all your accomplishments and things you love about yourself. Mix external things, like certifications or awards, with times you showed strength, resilience, or brightened up someone’s day, and personality traits or skills you have. Nothing is too small.
We’re calling this your “glow” list because when you look at it, your heart should fill with a sense of love and light; the energy should shift and it should almost seem to glow! However, we’ve also heard it been called your “brag” or “badass” list. Use whatever term resonates with you.
Use this list as evidence of your greatness whenever you need a reminder of how incredible you are, and continue to add to it as time goes on. This list can also serve as great motivation to continue moving forward.
02 see yourself through other’s eyes
Have you ever spoken to a friend after they’ve had a break-up or their confidence has been knocked and thought ‘if only you could see yourself how I see you!’.
Well, maybe you need to start seeing yourself through their eyes, too. Why not text 5 to 10 close friends or family members and ask them what they love and appreciate about you?
P.s. you can also add these to your ‘‘glow’’ list.
Another beautiful way to step into this perspective is through meditation. Consider sitting in meditation and starting by bringing to mind those that you love. Notice how your heart seems to warm up as you visualize them, and notice any other shifts in your body.
Notice the compassion, love, support, and awe you have for them.
Then, visualize that you’re looking at yourself in a mirror, and work at cultivating those same feelings of love and compassion for yourself. Notice how that feels. Journal on whatever comes up for you to close the practice.
03 - recognize what you can change, and what you can’t
Yes, in theory it would be amazing if we could revisit the past and re-do every mistake we’ve ever made, but our mistakes and regrets are also beautiful teachers. They tell us the kind of person we want to be, they let us know how we want to respond in the future, and they give us guidance and direction as to how to show up in our life.
To accept yourself, you need to recognize what you can’t change, and what you can. Learn from the past and bring those learnings into the present, but don’t get caught up in dwelling on the things that have already passed, that you can’t do anything about.
Consider sitting in meditation and envisioning yourself letting go of anything that’s not serving you. This might be doubts, limiting beliefs, past experiences, and things you need or want to forgive yourself for.
Amid the things you release, they’ll also be things you can work on. Write down any of the limiting beliefs and doubts you have about yourself and try reframing them as more positive things (your list is a helpful guide here too, to remind you of your worth).
04 - be your own best friend
You’d never be frustrated or angry at a friend when they’re struggling, so why do we approach ourselves in that way?
It’s time to change that. It’s time to start being more gentle and accepting of yourself.
You are, after all, the only person who has been with you, is currently with you, and is going to be with you for the entirety of your life. So why not focus a little more on nurturing that relationship?
Speak kindly to yourself. Nourish your body. Nurture and expand your mind. Connect with your soul. Cultivate your self-care routines. And overall, work on becoming your own best friend.
To practice this even more tangibly, we’d suggest writing a letter to yourself about what’s causing you pain. As you write, avoid blaming anyone (including yourself!) for what has happened.
Then, read the letter back as though it was written by a friend. What would you say to them? How would you show them compassion? Write some words of comfort for yourself as if you were speaking to a friend.
05 - speak to yourself kindly
In a similar way, we speak to ourselves in our mind, more than we speak to anyone else.
And unfortunately, this self-talk is often more negative than it is encouraging.
If you’re prone to criticizing yourself, consciously reframing the way you speak to yourself can help cultivate self-compassion.
Whenever you hear your inner critic popping up, consider reframing whatever it is they’re saying. Is what they’re saying factually true? Or can you find evidence to the contrary? Oftentimes these thoughts are simply stories we’re telling ourselves, but they aren’t actually based in fact.
To further raise your vibration, consider writing out some self-love affirmations or saying them to yourself in the mirror on a daily or weekly basis. Here are a few we love:
I accept myself unconditionally.
I love and care for myself.
I am enough.
I am worthy.
I am capable.
I am leaning into believing that I am fully deserving of everything I desire.
I am love. I am light.
Take these, use Pinterest for more inspiration, or create your own affirmations that speak to you.
learning to accept yourself can be a challenge, but it’s so worth it
Take time to work through these 5 practises at your own pace, and be gentle with yourself on your journey. You are worth it.
And if you’re open to sharing, we’d love to hear some other ways you cultivate self-acceptance and compassion in the comments!
Sustainable Bliss Collective endorses products & brands we genuinely love and support. If you end up making a purchase through one of our affiliate links, it will not cost you anything but we may earn a commission. Learn more here.
share this on Pinterest!
about the author
Heather Grant is a content and copywriter for ethical brands and writes wellbeing and sustainability features for print magazines. You can find her on Instagram @writtenbyheatherr.
