musings on feeling off
written by evans craddock
Spring is always one of my favorite times of year. The birds seem to sing a bit louder, the flowers I’d forgotten about since last year come back in bloom, and my lonely winter calendar of flying solo to the movies starts to fill up with more exciting things: out of town weddings, maybe a baby shower or two, or even the simple act of grabbing a cup of coffee and enjoying it outside with a friend. The spring season always brings a sense of adventure and fresh starts and I’m always so thankful when it comes back around.
This year, of course, has been different. We’ve been ordered to stay home and keep away from friends and family. And while we may still be able to get that coffee from our favorite neighborhood spot, it’s from a distance — with caution — and always to-go. Of course, I’m happy to continue staying home to keep others safe as we navigate through the new way of the world, but I can’t help but feel off.
This feeling of being “off” only gets stronger, too, when I start aimlessly scrolling through social media. Is everyone else embarking on exciting home improvement projects or coming up with new bread recipes? How come I have to re-do a work task three times and can barely finish a chapter of a book while everyone else is knocking out their life goals and to-do lists with ease? And is it selfish of me to feel sad when the least I can do is stay home and keep my germs to myself? These are all things I wonder.
As I’ve brought this up with friends, though, I’m slowly learning that I’m not alone and everyone has their moments of feeling “off” in some way. I have friends navigating how to homeschool their children while keeping up with working remotely. Others are nervous about how long their jobs will last or the status of their small business. Some feel thankful to have nixed a long work commute and the extra time with their spouse. Alternatively, others feel crazy and are counting down the days until their spouse or roommate gets back to work (I imagine we all feel that now and then). It’s a true mixed bag of emotions with each day bringing its own whirlwind of wins and setbacks.
So, what’s the best way to get through the uncertainty, anyway? My thought is that there isn’t one solution and everyone is handling this new normal in their own way. As for me? I’m finding that the word “grace” keeps showing up. I looked it up the other day, and one definition said “courteous goodwill”. I liked the sound of that. Courteous goodwill.
I replayed it to myself and started thinking of how I could put more “courteous goodwill” into motion in my life. Could I offer it to myself when I look in the mirror and can’t think of anything except for how much I need a haircut and to eat more vegetables? Can I give some to my husband and recognize that we’ve all been working out of the same small space for the last 2 months and maybe we’re just doing the best we can right now? How about that person in line at the grocery store? I imagine they could use a little dose of courteous goodwill, too.
I’m not sure how you’re feeling where you are. Maybe you’re handing it just fine and taking everything in stride. Maybe you’re sad or angry or a little bit of everything. Whatever it may be, I hope you know that you’re not alone in your feelings and that your feelings and thoughts are valid. And maybe next time something pops up that doesn’t feel good, offer it a little grace and see what happens.
As if with all seasons, this one too shall pass and soon enough we’ll be back to the baby showers and weddings and graduations and we’ll all be better for having added some grace to it all.
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about the author
Hey there! I'm Evans. I'm named after my Great Grandmother who supposedly made a killer pie crust, never met a stranger, and was missing part of her index finger from a horse bite. Though my fingers are all still completely in tact, I like to think Great Grandmother Evans and I share more than a namesake, and perhaps her love of making friends and homemade pastries made its way to me. I love putting pen to paper, and I especially love the opportunity to help someone share their story. I'm a North Carolina bred, University of Alabama alumna (Roll Tide), and, aside from my aversion to olives and non-fat dairy items, I do my best to maintain a generally optimistic outlook on life each day. I’d love for you to check out Everyday Evans, which is a little spot where you can find a taste of my words along with the latest photo of my dog (read: shadow), George. Thanks for stopping by!
