6 questions to ask yourself when you’re stressed
written by Jasmine Irven
Feeling regularly stressed has become a too-common part of our lifestyle, in my opinion. I’ve talked before about how stress has its place, but the reality is that we’ve become so accustomed to these feelings that it’s sometimes challenging to even recognize them.
One of the reasons I love meditation is because it gives you the opportunity to check-in with yourself: your body, mind, and soul, to notice where you might be feeling a little stress, tension, or resistance. From that place of calm and quiet, you can gain a better perspective as to what to do next, and how to potentially mitigate some of these feelings.
Here’s a simple list of questions you can begin to ask yourself in every day life (aka without stopping everything to get into a meditative state), when you’re feeling stressed or simply “off.”
I hope these guide you to find ways you can make subtle shifts that will relieve some of this stress and help you to simply feel better and more at ease, wherever you are.
1. Am I in immediate physical danger?
If the answer is yes, then know that your stress is actually serving a purpose! It helps to activate your fight, flight, or freeze response, giving you the opportunity to protect yourself.
The reality is nowadays though, that the danger is likely not at all physical. Instead, we might be feeling stressed from a perceived sense of danger (a presentation we have coming up and feelings of fear that stem from public speaking, worrying about something that might or might not happen in the future, etc.).
If, in this moment, there is no danger. If you are safe. Then you can already start to release some of these feelings of stress, sinking more deeply into the present moment and recognizing that your worry is not serving you.
2. Where do I feel this stress in my body?
Close your eyes (where you can) for a moment and complete a quick body scan. Where does the stress seem to be manifesting? Common areas include:
Your forehead or eyebrows (are they raised or furrowed?)
Your jaw (is it clenched?)
Your shoulders (are they raised up by your ears?)
Your belly (are you taking full breaths or holding them in?)
Simply bringing awareness to this area can already help you to begin relieving some of this tension and stress, as it has manifesting in your body. If you can make some simple adjustments to relieve this tension (dropping your shoulders down, relaxing your forehead, etc.), do so!
Take 3 deep breaths, bringing air in through your nose, and letting it release through your mouth. As you bring the air inwards, direct it to the area you feel the tension in most. Note how this feels.
3. Do I know the source of this stress?
As I briefly mentioned above, our stress nowadays often comes from a few key sources. Likely, either, ruminating on something that happened in the past, or looking towards the future and projecting our perceptions and thoughts onto the future. Let’s go through a few examples of this:
Ruminating on the past:
Worrying about something you said
Beating yourself up about something you did
Wondering how you were perceived by others in a certain situation
Replaying an old memory or scenario in your head over and over again
Looking towards the future:
Stressing about all the things you have to do (and how you can’t possibly get them all done)
Worrying about something that might happen
Focusing heavily on your hopes & dreams for the future and how you’re behind in your “life plan”
Stress may also stem from a number of other sources including relationships, work, social situations, social media and comparison, etc.
Recognizing the source and beginning to unpack it can help to take some of its power away.
If you’re unsure of the source, I would recommend completing a brain-dump or stream of consciousness journaling exercise. This means simply giving yourself a few blank pages of paper and writing down anything that’s on your mind. The format and length, any of the logistics are irrelevant. Give yourself the space to write freely (and without judgement) for 5-10 minutes and then see what came up. It’s likely the source of your stress will become clear after this practise.
4. Is this situation or stressor in my control?
if it isn’t
If the situation or stressor isn’t in your control (for example if you’re worrying about something that might-but-also-might-not-possibly happen in the future), it’s important to recognize that. Regardless of how many scenarios you play out in your head, you simply will not be able to predict what will happen and that’s okay! In fact, that actually takes a lot of the pressure off.
Recognize that to an extent, stress and worry can actually serve you. Playing out a couple different situations in your head can help you to make a more informed decision, and can help to prep you for whatever the scenario is. However, past a certain point they are no longer helpful and are simply causing more harm than good.
Do what you can to prepare yourself, but beyond that recognize that things are out of your hands. Appreciate that! Learn to embody the perspective that things are working out for you, and that you can handle whatever comes your way. Even if things don’t work out exactly as you saw them happening, ask yourself what you can learn or take from the experience.
if it is
If the stressor is something that’s in your control, ask if there’s anything you can do to mitigate it.
For example on the work front, Do you have too much on your to-do list? Can you delegate anything? Can you delete anything in its entirety? Did you say yes to something that simply isn’t aligned? Can you reach back out and cancel?
In a relationship or social setting, is there a conversation that needs to be had? Or a relationship that needs to end?
No, this isn’t an encouragement to just avoid anything that makes you uncomfortable. Recognize that there’s a normal amount of stress and discomfort you might need to sit in if you’re doing something new or stepping into a new arena. However, your energy is also very important and if you’ve signed up for too many things, or said yes to things and people you simply aren’t aligned with, both parties will likely be better off if you’re honest.
Lean into your intuition and get honest with yourself. What’s the best move here?
5. What has helped me to feel better in the past when I’ve faced similar feelings? Can I do any of those things right now?
Sometimes this might look like taking a break and disconnecting, going on a walk or cooking a meal to get your mind off things, other times it’s about saying no or being upfront about your priorities and values with others, other times it might look like decluttering a space or clearing your mind, and still other times it might look like recognizing that you need to take action in some way or another — breaking down a project and taking the first step.
Whatever it looks like, recognize that this is a time to lean into your intuition and ask what you need — not what others think you should do.
6. Do I need additional support?
Sometimes, what would make you feel better is simply asking someone else for support. Whether that’s a friend, coach, or therapist, know when it’s time to ask for help.
(And recognize that it’s almost always time to get help before you think you actually need it).
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about the author
Hey there! I’m Jasmine, founder of the Sustainable Bliss Collective, a Certified Meditation Teacher, and lover of all things self-care, slow-living, and personal development.
I believe that ambition and self-care can coexist, and as such I hope to encourage and inspire you to take care of yourself, breathe deeply, connect with who you are, manifest your dreams, enjoy the blissful moments of each day, and make an impact in this beautiful world we call home.
Connect with me on Instagram here!
