4 boundaries to consider setting in your life
written by Jasmine Irven
With the digital age we’re living in, where everyone is connected in some way, the majority of the time, it’s very easy to feel like you have no time to simply listen to yourself and what you want.
You’re constantly being influenced by outside input, opinions, or feeling pressure to conform to a certain standard.
If you’re feeling a little disconnected from yourself (despite simultaneously being “connected” in all the ways), it might be time to set some boundaries.
Here are 4 boundaries that might help you to create some space in your life to focus on what’s important to you, your long term goals, and to figure out what those are in the first place.
1. boundaries around your personal time (creating time for solitude)
In his book Digital Minimalism, Cal Newport discusses how so many truly successful and innovative people in history required and really thrived in solitude — going out of their way to seek it out because they recognized the importance of being alone without input from others.
Today though, this sense of solitude is even harder to cultivate, and generations who are growing up with phones, social media, and a sense of connectivity from an extremely young age may not even know what it means to truly be in solitude.
If you’ve ever gotten great ideas in the shower, you know the incredible impact of spending time alone — without input from anyone or anything else. It’s about getting quiet enough to hear yourself and your intuition, that inner knowing or compass within you that has so much to say but never the opportunity to speak.
consider the ways you can protect or cultivate solitude:
Can you go on a walk without bringing your phone?
Can you shower more often without listening to music?
Can you give yourself time in the morning or night to simply sip your coffee or tea without also consuming something in some way?
Can you eat a meal more mindfully, simply focusing on the taste and experience of the food itself?
Can you meditate more regularly?
Can you journal without placing external expectations on yourself to write or “appear” in a certain way?
These are opportunities to set boundaries around your personal time. They are opportunities to practise solitude (and honestly boredom as well!).
And as much as it might appear like a waste of time or as much as it might be uncomfortable at the beginning, you’ll likely begin to have a clearer perspective of the path you should take, decisions you should make, or ideas you should bring to fruition, because you’re giving yourself the opportunity to be still and listen to your inner guidance system.
2. boundaries around your work
Conversations around work boundaries are becoming more common and I am so glad it is because it’s something I struggle with so much! With the rise of email, cellphones, and social conversation apps (like social media, Slack, WhatsApp) for conversation, and how common it is for all of these apps to be in your pocket, it’s very easy for your clients or employer to reach you at all times.
This has created almost an expectation that you are always reachable - even in your off-hours. Even if your employer doesn’t necessarily expect you to respond at 10pm, if you see their name pop-up in your inbox, there’s almost always this tendency or pressure to want to check the message just to ensure it’s not something urgent. Or, simply to appear like a dedicated employee. And, as it goes, after you open the message chances are you’re going to feel the need to respond (even if it’s not urgent) so as to not appear rude or so you don’t forget.
Does this scenario sound familiar to anyone else or is it just me?
The problem is, by doing so (constantly checking and responding to your messages, even outside of work hours), you’re setting a dangerous precedent that you are still working or reachable at these times, and the boundary between work and home life continues to become blurred.
And, with the rise of working from home, maybe you’ve felt this distinction between work and home life become even more distorted.
if any of this resonates, it may be time to set stricter work boundaries. Consider:
What are the hours that you are expected to work? Or that you’d like to work, if you have flexibility in that area? Take into account contracts, general (reasonable) expectations, and/or income goals if you work hourly.
Based on the above, can you establish set work hours? Can you communicate these to your employer or clients? If relevant, maybe giving an alternate way to reach you if something truly is an emergency might be helpful.
Can you set a new precedent by only responding to messages and requests in those hours? Hint: even if you’re working outside of these hours, don’t physically send the message! Draft the email and schedule it to go out during those business hours.
Can you turn off read receipts to protect those feelings of “needing to respond”? Set reminders to respond when appropriate if you’re worried you’ll forget.
Can you turn off notifications or delete applications to help yourself out? Maybe a nighttime ritual becomes turning off notifications for certain apps!
Can you create other nighttime and morning rituals that help you to separate yourself from your work day and the rest of your day?
Can you turn off your phone or laptop at the end of the day as part of your “turning off from work” ritual?
Can you set-up a specific work space so that when you leave that space at the end of the day, it’s an indication that you’re done work for the day?
3. boundaries around your energy
I believe partly because of constant connectivity, feelings of overwhelm and fatigue seem to be extremely common nowadays. When you are constantly comparing yourself to others or accepting external input as your own truth, your own energy can become drained pretty quickly.
Consider how you can maintain and protect your own energy by setting boundaries! This might looks similar to the above solitude section if you are an introvert, but it also might not. Solitude is about disconnecting from all external voices (aka time in silence and stillness), whereas when you’re looking at ways to protect your energy it might be movement with loud music that gets you energized, a walk listening to a podcast that leaves you feeling inspired, time reading a book that fills you with new ideas and learnings, etc.
Ask yourself and journal on what gives you energy and what drains it? When do you feel at your best and when do you feel not so great?
From there, see if you can set boundaries that allow you to protect more of this “good energy” time. Are there rituals or routines you can fit into your morning and evening routines? How can you make more time for the things that light you up?
a few ideas:
Time for creativity
Alone time (see above)
Time with friends and family
Time to write or read
Time to listen to motivational podcasts
Time listening to music that raises your vibrations
Time to workout or go on a walk
Time spent in fresh air
Time spent cuddled on the couch
4. boundaries around your money
Money is energy and when we don’t have a good relationship with our money it can be really draining. Pressure to participate in consumer culture by purchasing certain things can take a huge toll on us — not only on our wallets, but also on our sense of self.
If we are constantly purchasing what other people are telling us to, it can be easy to disconnect from what we truly want or love.
Instead, setting a budget (a form of boundary) that aligns with your values and goals can be helpful in giving you the confidence that you’re making decisions that reflect who you are, and that will serve you long term.
This isn’t about cutting your budget so much that you can never spend when you want something, but it is about creating more intention around these purchases. If your Sunday morning latte from a nearby coffee shop brings you as much joy as it does me I’d never want you to cut it out! But do make sure that there is a feel-good energy exchange with the purchases you’re making, rather than simply making impulse purchases.
a few steps to consider taking:
Reviewing how much money you have coming in each month, and how much you regularly spend. What are more fixed expenses and where are you spending based on wants rather than needs?
What purchases bring you the most joy? Which bring you the least? Can you shift your budget to reflect that?
If you took a look around your space, how much money was spent on things you no longer like, don’t use, or don’t need? This can help give you clarity around your values!
Unfollow accounts and unsubscribe from emails that encourage you to make purchases that you don’t truly want to make.
Get into the habit of putting things in your cart, and then not checking out right away, instead returning a day or two later to see if you still want the item!
final thoughts
Setting boundaries can be a great habit to get into to start protecting your energy and resources more. If you’re constantly letting all areas of your life blend together without distinction or if you’re constantly letting others dictate how you spend your time, money or energy, it might be time to create some separation; some time for stillness; some time to simply be and listen to your own guidance system.
What boundaries are you setting in your life? Share them in the comments!
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about the author
Hey there! I’m Jasmine, founder of the Sustainable Bliss Collective, a Certified Meditation Teacher, and lover of all things self-care, slow-living, and personal development.
I believe that ambition and self-care can coexist, and as such I hope to encourage and inspire you to take care of yourself, breathe deeply, connect with who you are, manifest your dreams, enjoy the blissful moments of each day, and make an impact in this beautiful world we call home.
Connect with me on Instagram here!
