60+ ways to practise self-love using your love language
written by Jasmine Irven
Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? The concept was originally created by Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, based on his experience facilitating marriage counselling. Essentially what he found was that couples expressed love in different ways, and if they weren’t clear on how the other person liked to receive love, chances are there was a disconnect in the relationship.
The five love languages as described by Chapman include words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service.
Consider for a moment that you’re in a relationship where your partner rarely praises you for your work or tells you they appreciate you. If your primary love language is words of affirmation, chances are you’ll feel neglected and like your partner doesn’t care about you. However, maybe that same partner values acts of service above all else, and is always working hard to do tasks for you, check things off your to-do list, or take care of projects behind the scenes so you don’t have to (picking up groceries, making dinner, cleaning, changing the oil in your car, etc.).
Your partner is showing you love in the way they think will be most appreciated. But the lack of communication or understanding of each other’s love languages means that there’s a disconnect.
If you can understand how those in your life prefer to give and receive love by identifying which love languages resonate most, you can start to open up communication, respond to each other better, and form a more open and supportive relationship.
the 5 love languages
acts of service
People who appreciate acts of service may believe that actions are louder than words. They appreciate any time someone goes out of their way to make their life easier. Think: bringing someone soup when they’re sick, or a coffee when you know they’ve had a busy morning, picking up dinner or cooking so they don’t have to, or checking something off their to-do list.
words of affirmation
Almost the opposite of above, someone who resonates most with words of affirmation wants you to be open and appreciative of them, with verbal reminders of your love for them. This person might appreciate simple good morning and good night texts, notes left around your home, or a verbal, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.” These expressions help them to feel valued and supported.
physical touch
Someone who appreciates this love language appreciates the spectrum of physical indications of love — holding hands, playing with their hair, cuddling, getting a massage, kissing, hugging, and performing sexual acts. Physical touch helps them to feel loved and appreciated, and is a powerful emotional connector. If their partner doesn’t often show these physical signs of love, the person is likely to feel lonely.
quality of time
If someone’s love language is quality of time, nothing says “I love you” more than undivided attention. Putting down your phone to listen to them, scheduling date nights, or being fully present with them when doing chores, cooking, or on a walk, might resonate deeply with this person, while failure to listen and inviting in distractions can be especially hurtful. “These people want to know that their partners are interested in what they have to say, how they’re feeling, and what they want to do with their time.”
receiving gifts
If your love language is receiving gifts, you appreciate physical gifts as a visual representation of love. Rather than appreciating the monetary value of the gift, it’s more so about the symbolic gesture of the gift - the fact that someone went out of their way to pick up something that you would appreciate, or something that made them think of you. These people are also likely great gift-givers themselves, as they appreciate the time, energy, thought, and emotion that goes into meaningful gifts.
self-love and the 5 love languages
These love languages start within us, and so it’s only fair that we recognize them in ourselves and do what we can to cultivate self-love by way of using the type that resonates most.
Consider how you best like to receive love. What do you find most meaningful? Know that you’ll likely appreciate all five in different ways, but 1-2 likely stand out among the rest.
If you need a little assistance determining your love language, take this quiz.
Then, jump back over here to explore 60+ ways to show yourself some love in the way that will be most meaningful to you.
physical touch
cultivate a beautiful skincare routine that makes you feel taken care of
draw yourself a bath
dry brush your skin
give your scalp a massage
give yourself a massage, or book one for yourself
schedule a hair or nail appointment
give yourself a spa day
exfoliate
use body oils to moisturize your skin after a shower
do some yoga or gentle stretching
pleasure yourself
eat something nourishing
quality time
go on a walk or hike alone
schedule a date night with yourself
go to a cafe
explore nature
read a book
watch a tv series by yourself
journal (try these prompts for self-discovery)
talk to yourself
meditate
enjoy the sunset or sunrise
wake up early to spend time alone before your day starts
get honest with yourself, tell yourself what you need to hear
start therapy
cook yourself a nice meal or order take-out
enjoy a glass of wine
sip your coffee or tea slowly
acts of service
check something off your to-do list
do something your future self will thank you for
declutter or clean your space
cook yourself a nourishing meal
book an appointment you’ve been putting off
donate to a cause you believe in
organize a fundraiser
volunteer
draw yourself a bath
schedule a self-care day
create a security fund
get creative
set monthly goals to work towards
start brainstorming your side business
words of affirmation
start a gratitude journal or jar
try self-love or self-discovery journaling
write notes for yourself and stick them around your space
use affirmations
try a mantra or self-love meditation
set reminders on your phone with affirmations or self-care check-ins
tell yourself you love you
compliment yourself
receiving gifts
buy yourself flowers
enrol in a new class or course
write a note to your future self and hide it somewhere
start a DIY project
take yourself to a cafe
splurge on something you’ve been wanting to get
order take-out
invest in your business
invest in your hobbies
book an appointment for yourself (hair, nails, skin, massage, etc.)
buy or make a candle
get yourself a plant
book a new class (painting, working out, yoga, etc.)
final thoughts
You deserve to show yourself love! Begin to reflect on your own love languages and consider what makes you feel at peace, loved, and taken care of. Use these lists as inspiration or create your own, and remind yourself regularly to practise these.
Share the ways you’ll be showing yourself love in the comments! We’d love to know.
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about the author
Hey there! I’m Jasmine, founder of the Sustainable Bliss Collective, a Certified Meditation Teacher, and lover of all things self-care, slow-living, and personal development.
I believe that ambition and self-care can coexist, and as such I hope to encourage and inspire you to take care of yourself, breathe deeply, connect with who you are, manifest your dreams, enjoy the blissful moments of each day, and make an impact in this beautiful world we call home.
Connect with me on Instagram here!
